The Chemist

<Fade in>

Good morning, my mate. How are you feeling?

{Pause for reply}

Worse...I am sorry to hear it. Shall I fetch you another healing potion? We must ensure your strength-

{Listener cuts off with a reply}

...I see. Very well. I shall still keep one close by, if you want it. I've prepared a light meal for us, darling. I think it would be best to try and eat something.

You will? Most delightful.

I have prepared some fish and fruit. I know it is not much, but I thought I would try to match what you had in your home world. I am still unable to make...crep-ess {mispronounce "crêpes"; be obvious} as you have described.

I know you miss your homeland. I am trying my best to make things just like it in our den.

Yes. Our den. It belongs to both of us now. That is what mates do. You must learn to accept it sooner than later.

I often wish it was I who went to your world to find you. Wouldn't that have been ever the sweeter? 

But alas...you are here. With me. Where you should be.

{Pause}

You'd like to seek out a healer for your illness? I...I'd really rather not let some other creature look at you. Talk with you. [Whisper] Take you from me...

{Pause}

You have a specific one in mind? Why, pray tell, should I trust this other healer over the other lamia that I know?

...They're...not from this world either.

[Sigh] That seems to be happening more often these days. I guess you're right, precious. You are but only human. It would be far better to see a human healer than a lamia one. What is this human healer named?

[Struggle to repeat] The...Chemist...?

A peculiar name. I have never heard of a name like that in these lands.

{Pause}

[Responding] They're supposed to be outside of the next village over...that is quite the journey. Several hours at least, in both directions. But...I can't bear to see you in pain, or to know that you are unwell.

We shall leave after you eat your meal.

I won't hesitate at the chance to see you made healthy again. We do not have other plans for today, and if we did...they would pale in the sake of your wellbeing.

I wish to hunt with you, my mate. To explore our territory. To learn more of your world as you learn more of mine. To be...happy. You'll come to love these things soon enough. This effort that I put into your care should be a sign of my devotion to you. You just need more time to reciprocate it.

I can carry you there, if you'd like. The journey is long, but I am more than capable of slithering the two of us there. It is mostly grasslands on the way there.

{Pause}

I...I understand. If you change your mind on the way, please tell me.

<Fade out; transition to several hours later, post-journey>

<Sounds of footsteps and slithering; they are still moving>

My mate...we have made it to the base of the mountain. The cave to this..."Chemist" mage must be nearby. Please gaze carefully. Your eyes are probably better suited for locating it than I. It would be preferable to find it swiftly...the stones graze upon my scales in the most uncomfortable of ways. Ways I would not like to endure longer than I must.

{Pause}

Speak up, dear. It sounded like you said that I wouldn't have to do that for long. [Accusatory] What...did you mean by this?

Oh! The cave is just a little ways further down. What an excellent catch...[Quietly, cheerful] Just like yourself.

Let us waste no more time in entering. We must see to it that you're restored to full health. 

<Continued movement SFX; introduce light cave ambience>

<Echoes of far-away chanting; indistinct>

...S-stay close to me, mate. I do not like the feeling of this place. It has...a very negative aura.

My instincts are screaming at me to flee. Aren't yours as well? Maybe it's best to turn around for now...

Y-you want to keep going? If you say so...then I guess we will. Only because I trust you. Hold my hand and do not let go of it. We must flee at the first sign of danger. That's my agreement. No harm will fall upon either one of us.

[cursed chanting] —Boron, Carbon, Nitrogen, Oxygen, Fluorine, Neon, Sodium—

Ahhh...I have...visitors...

[Sickly laughing]

Welcome travellers...

Y-you're the Chemist, right?

The...denizens of this world call me that...

But...hmm...

That human there...you're an Earthling aren't you?

[Sickly laugh]

Oh wonderful, oh how excellent! How...homely...

We seek your guidanc-

Silence, snake! Your purpose here is...irrelevant...

{Lamia pouts}

You two...are...mmm, covalent, yes?

I see...

Tell me, human...what is it that you seek?

A chemical compound...?

That...I can do...

Look behind me here...these shelves hold raw elements this world has to offer...

It is not complete...I lack some important ones. [Getting lost] Mercury...Iodine...Xenon...Manganese...Tantalum...

[Snapping back] That is to say...I may not have what you seek.

Praytell...what can I do for you...

{Pause}

You wish to cure an...illness...?

I am no healer...my doctorate was in chemistry...not medicine...

Dear mate...did you bring us here not knowing if this person can help us?

{Pause}

You're...insistent that I can help. Very well...

What is your...illness...

{Pause}

Cancer...interesting...and where might this..."cancer" be found...?

Your hands...and lungs...

Hmm....

Would you say you feel... con-strict-ed...?

No room to breathe...aha...

Sounds...serious. Fortunately, not...mmm, terminal?

{Pause}

You feel that it could be. I see...

I take it you'd like...nuclear fission...

What compound do you seek to cure this...cancer?

[Sickly laugh]

Cyanide.

Delightful...marvellous...

I shall get to work right away, yes...

<Lab equipment sounds; clattering>

My dear, what is this cyanide? You seemed to know what would fix you immediately.

A strong type of potion? I've certainly never heard of one like that.

Your world has all sorts of different potions not found here...? But I thought there wasn't magic where you are from!

{Pause}

Non...magical?

I don't see how that's possible.

Ahh, my dear reptile...anything is possible in Chemistry...

<Flick of a lighter; flames>

This burner shall do nicely...

They just summoned fire from that metal box. No magic at all...and it's self sustaining...

These caves hold natural methane reserves...

{The lamia looks flummoxed}

Err...human, be a dear and explain it to your little friend there. 

[Bitter] Not. Friend. They are my mate. Show some respect to our connection.

...Quite.

Well. Get...comfortable. It will take an hour...or two...to get the components to settle...properly...

I am choosing to use...potassium, as a base...

Much stronger results...especially for something of that...magnitude...

[Sickly laugh]

When it is ready...take it back to your dwelling...consume it there...it is imperative you do not take it with anything else, most especially water...it will ruin your...healing.

But...light food may help...prior...for the chemical to...err, settle. Yes...to settle.

Is it something that is contagious? Shouldn't you or I be worried?

[Sickly laugh] Only under...close contact. I have already made enough...for you as well...

The...snake should take it...first...to be well rested for the...human's turn...mmm?

You may watch me work...or go away for a while. It matters not...to me...

I will ensure your..."recovery" soon enough...

[Nefarious laugh]

<Fade out>

END.