You Expected This Would Happen

<Doorbell>

<Muffle vox slightly to indicate being outside>

Daaaarliiiiing~

I'm here for our daaaaaate~

You won't leave me out here all alone in the cold will you?

<Door open; end muffle>

Oh, wonderful! How good it is to see you!

Come here, give your girlfriend a big hug.

Of course I'm your girlfriend, honey. Why else would I be so insistent we go on a date? I have been for weeks, haven't I?

No buts! I won't hear any arguments about it.

{Pause}

Black looks great on you. Very sleek. Very classy. The silk is a great highlight. Or...is it polished cotton? Either way, darling, you are a stunning beauty to behold.

[Whisper] You should let me hold you.

[Regular delivery] Well my dear, are we to be off?

Grabbing one more thing? Well I suppose that is quite alright. Be as prepared as you need for our most wonderful night out...but don't leave your precious girlfriend waiting!

[Sigh dreamily] I've waited enough for this moment...

You have everything? Awesome! Let's be off then. You said you had ordered an Uber, right? They should be here soon.

<Door locking sounds>

You know...there was no need to have been so shy, love. You spent so much time avoiding me when it could have been spent on things like this.

You needed time to plan everything? A half-convincing lie, precious, but one I'll choose to believe~

That must be our ride...a limo?? Oh my darling how fancy! You shouldn't have~

Oh yes, a ride for Dr. and Mrs. Lizzner! That'd be us~

Shall we, my darling?

<Car starts driving>

I hope you don't mind me using my last name instead of yours, dearest. I think it just happened to have more flair in the moment. I think it will be far more fitting to use yours in the future. Once we're married~

But I'm ahead of myself. One date at a time, right my love?

Oh silly, lose all that tension. I can see your shoulders being far tighter than they normally are. Relax. Have some fun with your beloved.

I did not make you do anything, my dear! You chose to reach out, finally, of your own volition after being so hard to get. It was you who cratered to my wonderful charms and playful doting to finally meet me as fate destined. It was a choice, and one well made, I must say. You were even so insistent upon setting up the full details of this date, which was far more than was even...suggested...to you. 

A little persistence never hurt anybody. Nobody was hurt. You know as well as I do that nobody was going to be hurt on your watch, isn't that right, doc-tor?

However was I supposed to break that hard outer shell of yours, dearest? You've got such a thick barrier, be it your intensive studies or teaching, and a fortress of a home. You'd never let me anywhere near if you didn't have a little heat pressuring you to step outside once in awhile.

Your protective nature towards your students is a very good trait indeed.

Can you really blame me for the attachment? I get close enough to one of the most brilliant minds in the field to see how they really are behind the scenes...only for that to be taken away from me. Was I that clingy at the start? Was it my attire? I did nothing but be the best possible assistant you could have asked for and you turn around and return the good graces with cold stares, cut hours, and eventually...leaving to go teach.

Nobody quits their cushy research job to go teach full time without a reason. While I don't expect you to give me the straight answer today, do know that I'm positive you have a reason that you're hiding from me. You, more than anybody, should know that I can absolutely see through when people are lying. Especially when the liar is my beloved.

[Sigh]

I know you. The real you. Much like a pomegranate, actually, if you think about it. There's that tricky, tough outer layer to keep things out and away, but with the right kind of pressure it'll crack open to reveal the sweetest bits, ready for the taking. How sweet you are in your little moments. It's delicious.

I'll crack that shell again one way or another. And nothing will be sweeter when you relent to my love.

<Car slowing; they have arrived>

Well well, taking me to Club Iscariot? How unexpectedly modern. I guess I underestimated your ability to cut loose and throw a party. <Slowly add phone clicks/taps> You really know chic after all...who are you texting?

You're not? Uh huh. Right. Tell me the truth, darling.

You're...tipping the driver. Well. Forgive me for treating your nobility as betrayal.

<Doors open, footsteps to bar. Clicking of high heels a huge benefit>

I seem taller than you remember? Well dear, I did dress nicely for the occasion. I have on some wonderful heels...something I know you find ir-re-sist-able. [Giggle] A little treat for you, honey!

{Pause}

What a strong bunch of bouncers we have~

Hrmph. Yes, I can show ID. <Tapping on ID, if desired> Right there, Emily Lizzner. Birthday is September 21st? May I please proceed?

Urgh. You'd think by now they would trust our ages, dearest. Those streaks of gray in your hair should have obviously carried!

...I do not also have gray hair! How could you! [Small pout]

{Pause}

Shall we go fetch some refreshments, my love? 

Oh bartender~

A vodka cranberry for me. Top shelf, of course. And a lemon gin and tonic for my darling here. On rocks for both, if you could.

No one else on earth drinks a gin and tonic with lemon. It's always lime. You stand out like a beacon with a drink like that.

[Mutters] You always stand out in a crowd to me...

{Listener comments}

[Speaking normally] Why don't you need a straw?

You brought your own compostable ones? How environmentally attentive you are! I suppose it makes sense for your line of work. 

Of course I know your drink. I pay attention to your interests. It's my job as your lover. You could stand to start learning the same about me!

<clattering of glass; drinks are served>

Shall we sashay over to the dance floor? I'd love to see what moves the doctor prescribes.

<walking sounds, optional generic club music if it is quiet>

They told me the music here was good. Who would have thought it was the truth?

Your dancing is not nearly as bad as I thought, precious. Maybe not putting your heart into it like I'd want, but I'll chalk it up to anxiety over deliberation. 

Guess my darling doctor isn't the anti-social loner like they make themselves out to be, hmm?

Know that so much more of this is in your future dear. We'll have to go even harder for our next date~

{Elongated pause—some time has passed; Fade out and in all background elements}

You have a proposal to make? Do tell my dear. Is it marriage already~?

Hrmph. I suppose you're right. The DJ probably will be over soon. What's your plan?

{Pause}

One more drink, close the tab out, and meet you by the restrooms while you go use them?

Is this...a ploy? Do you think I would let you out of my sight so easily?

A fair point. Leaving your card with the bartender as a collateral...You really are clever. [sigh into it] Fine. I suppose I can trust you enough to not abandon your credit card. I'll be back in a moment, my sweet~

<heel clicks away; optionally, treat all italicized dialogue as internal thoughts with processing>

This feels...too planned. This isn't a place that normally holds cards like this, so why did my beloved feel the need to leave it here, knowing that it would be a bargaining tool to get out of my sight? Was it insurance for just using the restroom? I'm not a monster that can't be asked for a little bit of freedom. 

I'm sure even if I did closely guard the trip there, there's definitely two windows that are unbarred that could be escaped out of. So...my beloved either knew that ahead of time and used this to prove they weren't escaping that way where I would suspect, or they did not know that the windows were there, but still needed to create some form of separation, or aspect of time delay.

But why would they need to stall for time...?

<Stop walking; start speaking>

U-uh, yes. One more of each drink and then please close it out. My...[cough/ahem] lover left their card here as well, if you could please return it.

<optional drink glasses sounds>

M-much appreciated. Thank you so much!

<Start walking; thinking internally again>

Why is this getting under my skin so much? Surely they aren't trying to get away from me at this point. Two full hours in a room full of people? It would be impossible to get away without making some kind of scene. Or me noticing.

The restroom hallway has no cameras. This is my best time and place to act. Out of sight of the public, sure, but also to not be recorded. I just need to hope that there's nobody else waiting outside, or that my darling does not come out mid-addition.

But...my honey MUST come home with me tonight. It has to happen. It has to.

<Stop walking, still thinking; club music if playing becomes muted>

I got here at the right time. Nobody else is around. So let's just...

<Small paper tear, like a packet of sugar>

Pour one of these in. This should be enough to knock them out long enough to get back with a cab. Their body weight isn't enough to mess with only one of these. It was expensive enough to buy the materials for THIS packet, let alone as second one.

Annnnnd....done. Ready or not beloved, you're coming home with me tonight.

{Pause}

Welcome back, my love. Here's your card and lemony gin. Shall we head back to the dance floor?

No? Well why not. You better have a good reason...

Finish the drinks and...go back to your place? Well how unexpectedly chivalrous of you, doctor. How could I ever refuse an offer like that?

One more thing? Sure...

You want to look into my eyes?? Well of course. You know how to flatter a lady...

<internally> Yes. Do it my love. Drink up. Drink every last drop. You're so close to being mine.

You like their color a lot? I'm so glad to hear it. May you get lost in them often~

<internally> They've finished their drink so quickly. This is perfect.

{Pause}

Your straw's color changed to match their shade. How did you manage to do that?

Magic? Well, I'm impressed by your...talents...

<internally> That was too quickly. What is happening?

Wait a second. What are you doing with your hand?? 

[grim realization] Oh no no no, stop that, stop that at once! Don't you dare! Get that out of your mouth immediately!

{The listener has now placed their hand within their mouth, to stimulate the uvula; stimulate vomiting}

<vomit sounds, if youre crazy enough to try>

ARE YOU CRAZY?? What could you POSSIBLY hope to achieve by doing that to yourself?

The poison's gone? How on earth could you have put together that I was drugging you? You were in a completely different room when I did!

[Gasp] The straw. You kept me distracted. Those weren't biodegradable straws at all...they were chemically reactive ones. I should have known the chemist might have thought ahead like that. 

<listener half collapses>

Stumble all you want, you'll still be weak from ingesting that much sedative.

...What's in that potted plant?

Your phone. You...you've recorded this, haven't you. Is that it? Is that your plan? You must have scouted to find there were no cameras here when I went to the bar. Urgh. Get over here...

<Multiple footsteps, heel clicks; shuffling on the floor away>

For someone that just threw up half an evening's worth of booze and an extremely high-concentrate of sedatives, you're still frustratingly fast. Even if you're crawling on the floor.

One more thing to tell me? I think you have a lot more to tell me. When we go home. [As sour as you can muster] Our home.

Never liked heels? What does that have to do with anything?

{Listener sprints, for lack of better term, away}

<Running sound>

No...how could you have had so much strength to offer?

<Heels clicking; chasing after>

<Internal thinking> 

They were right, though. I can't move that quickly in these, and it's not like I can chase after barefoot without drawing more attention than we already have. There's too many eyes on us. Damnit, did they plan for this too?

The comments about fashion in the lab...was that just a trap in advance to slow me down? Knowing I would try to appeal to their wants? My beloved really has thought of everything in advance...

[half wistfully] I think I'm falling in love all over again.

I can't keep up the chase. I'll end it here. Too many eyes.

Is that a car pulling up to get them? How could they have contacted someone if they were recording the entire time? It doesn't make sense...

Wait. That car is familiar. That's...no, it can't be! The same Uber as before! How could they possibly have known to come back here, and now?

My doctor...my sweet little doctor...

How you have betrayed me so. Your intelligence is unparalleled. It seems I have underestimated your capacity to work socially, as well as institutionally.

I won't even go after your students this time. I'm impressed.

What do you gain out of this little show, I wonder. Now, more than ever, I feel like I must chase you all the harder to put you back into your place. Next to me. We were perfect together before. We will be perfect together again. I will ensure it.

Abandoning me here was a cold move. I'll be sure to pay it back in spades...when I find you. Oh, when I find you...? You'll be so sorry you never realized your love for me sooner.

That smart little brain of yours can only carry you so far, doc-tor. I wonder how much further it can go before you falter...and I catch up. 

See you soon...darling.

End.