Pumpkin Spice

<Lockers opening and closing, hallway chatter, general school liveliness>

<Listener opens her locker; make it louder>

Heeeey~ Pumpkin!

I've been looking for you.

{Pause}

Well duh! It's been two hours and I haven't so much as glanced at you since we got here. I'm hurt!

C'mere...

<Quick peck kiss on cheek>

Shauday had something to give back to you. Little pouch of something? Her instructions were clear: This wasn't to be bent {imitatingly} By Any Means Necessary!

Awww~, I'm glad you like my impression of The Sergeant. What uh, what were these, anyway?

{Pause for listener answer}

No way! She developed film for you? That's super cool!

I kind of forgot she still did that. I guess that explains why she goes to the art hallway so much.

Is it asking too much to know what the pictures are of?

{Pause for listener response}

Animals from the park on Tuesday? Oh, I'm so glad you chose to develop those. You had some really pretty opportunities when we went.

None as pretty as me, I hope!

You got a few of us too? You sneaky scoundrel! I had no idea you did that. I'm sure the ones you managed to sneak make me look all grotesque.

Ugh!

But it's fine. I had fun being out with you, which is all that matters. Right, Pumpkin? 

[Pleased chuckle]

Your internship hasn't started this week, has it?

Next week? Whew! I wasn't sure if I had remembered it right. I'm so excited for you! Working at a news station sounds so great, and I'm sure you'll love it.

{Pause}

Hey, Pumpkin? Are you doing okay?

You've been kind of quiet today, and you look like something's troubling you.

Is it a closed curtains day?

{Pause}

It is, isn't it...

I'm so sorry, Pumpkin. I didn't mean to overwhelm you. I-I can leave you alone today if you'd like to be...

<Listener lightly grabs wrist of speaker>

You...you want me to stay?

Of course, Pumpkin. I'm here for you. How about we head to our bench?

{Pause for listener inquiry}

I think Mr. Plymouth will live without me in class for a day. A 98% average is perfectly fine.

I'm worried more about how you are feeling.

<Close listener locker>

We don't need to spend your full study hall out there if you don't want to.

We should probably get moving, though. This hallway is about to get even busier and I don't want you to stress out.

<Fade out school hallway ambiance; transition to outdoor space. Can optionally have walking sequence between the two>

It's so nice out today. Low sun, but not cold. Cute outfit season...Warm cider season...It's my favorite!

{Pause}

Yes, yes. Right, Elsa. Winter will be here soon and then it's your turn to gush about the weather.

[Sigh]

Okay! I think you wanted to talk to me about something. You've been really distant the last few days.

Take it as slow as you need to. I promise I'm here to listen.

{Pause for fearful listener inquiry} 

No! No...Pumpkin, I'm not going to be upset with you! I promise. It will be okay.

{Longer pause for listener explanation}

You wanted to do something sweet for our anniversary? Awww, Pumpkin~! That's so sweet of you! 

What's so wrong about that? You don't need to worry about doing something perfect with me, you know. I love spending time with you, no matter what it is.

{Pause for further explanation}

You were trying to think of when we got together to reference it? Well there's nothing wrong with a little nostalgia. What was so tricky about it?

Everything about it seemed...fuzzy?

{Very short pause; abrupt speak to prevent silence}

W-well, it was six years ago. Almost six. A lot has happened with us in the meantime since then. Between school and looking at colleges and the whole thing with your parents...it's not really a big detail to remember, is it?

You've been worried about it? Ohh, Pumpkin...if you wanted help remembering, you could have just asked me!

You and I both know how shy you used to be. Even so much as a glance would make you shrink away and hide! I'm sure the stress of making yourself socialize has made your memory spotty.

I still can't believe you marched right up to one of the most popular girls in our grade to ask me out, really. So bold! Very unlike you normally, then. You said you had this crush that was only growing by the day, and the only cure was by being your girlfriend. It. Was. Adorable~!

I thought you might have evaporated when you were done asking, let alone me saying yes!

I knew a little about you beforehand. We were in a few classes together, and you would always meekly wave at me on the back seat of the bus. You always liked that little solo seat on the left, Pumpkin. I used to think it was because you wanted to be alone, but now I think it was because you wanted a better angle to see me from.

Everyone always used to clamor over me, all the time. You felt...different. I felt like you were actually seeing me for me, and not just what I did. I'll always love you for that, Pumpkin.

It was tough at first. Mhm. You couldn't maintain eye contact with anybody, let alone hold a conversation. It felt like I was the only person you ever could really feel comfortable around, and even that took a few weeks.

I don't remember exactly when it was, but at one point in your room I remembered just watching you finally release all the tension in your arms and back...like you had always been prepared for something to jump out at you! And to know that you felt safe with me...well, I think that was the point I knew you were going to be mine.

There was something so pretty about the way you just let go of everything. Like, in that moment you could finally start living again. I don't think I'll ever forget it, even if it doesn't seem like a big deal.

{Pause}

We did manage to help your anxiety out a lot, though. You're doing so well these days, Pumpkin! I think our system is really working out.

Plus...well, I got to help you work through a lot of your unease! [Chuckle/Giggle]

{Pause for listener speaking}

{A little forceful} No!

{Immediately backpedal} I didn't hypnotize you. That sort of stuff isn't real! You can't go around saying stuff like that, or people might believe you.

Do you really think I would hypnotize you into becoming a social butterfly? Or to go out with me?

{Pause for listener agreeing}

Exactly! That would be ridiculous. We're not in an action movie.

I do guided meditation. Not even close to the same thing. The only thing I do is help people relax, or find peace in a turbulent situation.

It's a calm room where I speak quietly. That's the only similarity! Maybe I will admit that doing the same thing over and over again can have a sort of...hypnotic quality to it, but it's not like I'm planting deep suggestions into your mind, Pumpkin.

You needed to find space to trust yourself first. That let us work on helping you trust others later.

[Sigh]

Guided meditation is more like what I learned from my mother, growing up. She runs that really nice spa you like. I'm almost jealous that she doesn't charge you to go. For as iron-clad as she runs the place, you certainly found a way to her heart! She likes you a whole lot, too. 

Maybe she just likes seeing her daughter happy! Maybe she just wants that apple pie recipe you made last year for Thanksgiving. Who's to say...

{Pause}

Everything we've built up together...it's all been you, Pumpkin. I don't think you should sell yourself short on that. {Singingly} Not! One! Bit!

I'm proud of you. Y-you know that, right? You've really grown into such a beautiful person...

Thank you for letting me be with you for it.

{Pause}

We've got so much going for us. In a few years, we'll both be at Cornell, carving out our own path in the world. We'll be unstoppable!

I expect a big ring by the end of it~!

{Listener protests}

Oh come on...we'll have been together like, eleven years by that point? You'd really make little ol' me wait that long?

{Listener comment}

You're a tease and a scamp, Pumpkin.

[Sigh]

Are you maybe feeling a little better?

Good! Good. I'm glad.

I'll catch you before sixth period, okay? I need to make sure you survived the horrors of that Calculus exam.

{Listener comment}

No, I'm not giving you all the answers!

You should have studied for this already! It's not my fault you were too busy swooning over the new Phoebe Bridgers album.

Teasing! Teasing! I'm only teasing!

You should probably go and study for that exam, though, for the rest of study hall. It's a tough one. The back half isn't a trick but it's not exactly clear either.

I think I'm going to stay out here for a while. No use going back to class this late. I'm going to take in the fall air a little bit. Sue me.

{Listener jokes}

I know you're not in pre-law! It's a joke, Pumpkin.

C'mere.

<Quick kiss or two>

I'll see you on the walk home, okay?

Love you, Pumpkin.

<Footsteps lead away>

{Extended pause; the speaker needs time to process and make sure 'Pumpkin' is out of reach.}

<Optionally, you can do this part as an "in-your-head" thought instead of out loud, but it doesn't matter either way>

[Sigh]

{Stressed} What am I going to do?

I...I...I lied to her. To her! The one person I can't bear doing it to!

If she's starting to poke into it...

She'll get the truth eventually.

URGH! Why was I so stupid then?! What was I thinking??

Coming to me for help. That's all it ever was. "Fix my fear of people". "Help me not be afraid of going to school". "I want to be more like you, {Margaret}!"

I...I just...

I just wanted to help her.

A-and, she stood there, holding the doorframe...and...

I couldn't stop thinking about it!

That pleading look...the way she perked up when I was listening...that twinkle of light when I said yes...

It's so stupid.

B-but, she liked me too. I know she did. There was proof of it! Her friends admitted it. Her journal admitted it! She just...

She just never would have been able to make the leap on her own. Right. That's...that's what this is.

It was encouragement to take the leap.

[Deep sigh]

What's...what's even the harm?

Her life is so much better now. More friends. More activities. Reconnecting with her parents. Better classes. Me.

None of it would have happened if we weren't together. None of it!

I did help her! She got what she wanted out of me. I just did it in a creative way. T-that's what it was.

...Right?

{Pause to think about it}

I only did it once...

Well, twice to make it settle. But I didn't make a habit out of it! I could have very easily continued doing it for a long time.

I...I couldn't handle doing something like that. That would be awful.

I feel awful...

I'm awful.

Our perfect life together...going to Cornell, getting married, getting cats and travelling Europe...

Would she hate me for it if she knew how we got there?

I don't know...

{Pause}

I...I want to go home. Or have Pumpkin here holding me. That always calms me down...

I can't tell anybody about this, can I? I'm going to have to live with this forever...

I'm so stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!

<Throw something>

I...

[Deep inhale; exhale]

{Pause}

As long as she's happy. That's what matters the most.

My Pumpkin deserves to be happy, no matter what.

Ugh....

Six years. It's been six long years...

So many more to go.

<Fade out>

<Optionally—if you're bold—fade out to sniffling/crying>

END.